I'm a WOHMmy again

It has been three weeks since my maternity leave ended and I became a Work Outside of Home Mom for the second time. In October 2004, when Isaiah was ten weeks old, I headed back to my job as a ninth grade teacher in the Boston Public Schools. I juggled lesson plans, discipline, and pumping from 7 'til 2 and then raced to pick up Isaiah from daycare so I could spend a few of his awake hours wtih him.

Naturally, when I headed back to work this time I focused on how it would once again affect my relationship with my baby, this time eight-and-a-half-week-old Milo. I would have to pump my breast milk again -- and where was I going to do that? He was sleeping so well for those first eight weeks -- would he start reverse cycling so he could spend time with me? Was it right for me to be leaving him at such a young age? That word -- "leaving" -- weighed heavily on me. As someone who believes in attachment parenting, I started to fantasize about ways I could get out of returning to work.

I knew, though, that I couldn't do that. In no way was I trying to martyr myself, but I had made a commitment to a classroom full of kids, many of whom have lived wtih a parent they couldn't depend on, and I needed to go back. My own son would be in the care of my husband and my mother, and he would have my overflowing love every day when I came home. If only all children were so lucky.

It took a few weeks, but we (Milo, me, my mom, Josh, and Isaiah) have adjusted to the new routine and I feel comfortable with it. My mom seems to have a calming effect on Milo and he seems so happy most of the time that I know he is none the worse for me not being with him 24 hours a day.

And as I settle into this new routine, I am experiencing a sort of deja vu from my return to work in Boston: I had forgotten that, in addition to work affecting me as a mom, being a mom also affects my work. Along with the mushy belly and leaky breasts that accompanied my return from maternity leave, I also brought back my softer, more nurturing side. In the pressure-filled environment of today's schools, it is all too easy to objectify students, seeing them as educatees rather than the whole and complex people they are. As the parent of a three-month-old, I can't help but think throughout the day, "What if that were MY baby..."